MOVIE REVIEW - Big Ass Spider!
- by Koda
- Mar 26, 2015
- 4 min read
Genre: Horror Comedy
Rating: PG-13
Release: 2013 Notable Cast: Greg Grunberg (He was Matt Parker on NBC's Heroes); Lombardo Boyar; Ray Wise (He was the Devil on CW's Reaper)
Director: Mike Mendez
Writer: Gregory Gieras
Introduction: So I'd browsed past this movie a few times while surfing Netflix, and each time I thought (probably like most people do) Hmmm. Big Ass Spider... Really? Haha.
It was probably the second time flipping past this movie when my roommate tells me that her friend had told her to check it out. "It must be funny, then," I told her. That was two nights ago. Tonight, I told Ethan that he could stay up and watch a movie with me if he promised to sleep in tomorrow. It's Spring Break for our kids, but if you think that means anybody gets to sleep in, you've got it all wrong. Our kids are up at the buttcrack-of-dawn no matter how late we let them stay up; it's all car-crash sound effects from our eight year-old Ethan, who's playing with cars in the bedroom next to his five year-old sister, Jane...who's screaming at the top of her lungs to add "drama" to her game of My Little Ponies or Barbies. They've got the door shut, but it's a small apartment and they just haven't grasped the concept of how far their voices carry... Not to mention, even though they've got the whole bedroom to themselves, they're playing Right. Next. To. The. Door.
Anyway, I'm trying to introduce Ethan to the horror genre (it's been my favorite since I was two years-old, when I used to tell customers at my mom and dad's video store, "Dis movie really, really good," pointing to Jaws). We're starting with PG13 flicks, and I figure some R-rated gore won't kill him, as long as it's not too extreme, and the movies which carry it don't contain any sex. Earlier this year we watched Signs, and he really dug it, and he's seen a few episodes of The Walking Dead (turns out he's a zombie fan).
So tonight, I hand him the XBOX controller and tell him to get on Netflix and pick out a scary movie. He asks me how, and I tell him to take it off the Kids setting and go down to the Horror Section. I leave the room, and when I come back, what has he picked out? Big Ass Spider! Go figure.
I glance at the rating (PG13) then back at him. "This is the one you want to watch?" I ask.
"Yeah!" He's really excited about his choice. "Look at that huge spider!" He's pointing to the picture next to the synopsis. (Ah. Eight year-old boys...)
"Alright, let's do it," I agree.
Best. Choice. Ever.
Overview: Not only is Big Ass Spider just scary enough for my little kid, it's got enough campy comedy to keep me entertained as well. The plot focuses on bachelor exterminator Alex (Grunburg), who ends up in a hospital the very day a huge spider gets loose. The gore in the movie is minimal, and it's okay that the special effects are obviously computer-generated (this helps with my consistent point to Ethan that everything in movies is fake...that they're "playing pretend").
The comic-relief in the movie is the hospital's security guard named Jose (Boyar), who agrees to assist Alex in catching and exterminating the spider, and is a true Hispanic stereotype. I found Jose's witty dialogue very humorous. He gets most of the punch lines.
Overall, the movie isn't great, isn't Oscar-worthy, and is pretty much just silly, fun entertainment (as you'd expect from a SciFi Original), but my kid enjoyed it, and he's not going to be having any nightmares over an unrealistic Fake Ass Spider. I had a good time watching this one with Ethan.
This Movie is For: 1) People whose children want to watch a "scary movie"... I didn't notice any bad language, if that's a concern of yours, and the gore was minimal and completely computerized...easily passed off as "fake". 2) - People who love campy horror films... If you enjoy Horror Comedies, you should give this flick a shot. The dialogue really makes for some good laughs, if you're not offended by stereotypes. 3) - People who are terrified of spiders... The spider in this movie attacks people, but on a SUPER unrealistic scale; it should either give you the kind of scare you're looking for, or help with your phobia. 4) - Anyone who is a fan of giant bug movies (Tarantula, Them, Eight-Legged Freaks)... This should really get you feeling nostalgic in a good way. 5) - People who love stereotypical humor... Boyar really nails the hispanic stereotype in this movie, and there's some witty puns dealing with the Spanish language.
This Movie is Not For: 1) - Anyone looking for a "scare"... At it's heart, despite the soft-core gore, this movie is a comedy, meant to be silly entertainment rather than scary. 2) - Anyone who's picky about their special effects... Although they're not horrible or too low budget, we're not talking about realism here, folks. 3) - People that don't like stereotypes... A lot of the humor is focused around Jose, and there are some jokes relating to the Spanish language. 4) - People craving big-named actors... Although you'll recognize some of the people in this movie, you're not going to find any cameos from Robert Redford, Justin Bieber, or even Scream Queen Jamie Lee Curtis. 5) - People who desire sophisticated, realistic plots... It's about a giant spider, for Pete's sake.
In Closing: Ethan enjoyed this movie, and I was tickled over both that, and the campy humor. Before he went to bed, he told me: "That movie was scary!" Since most of the humor went over his head, I feel like we achieved our goal tonight.
I hope you enjoyed my review. I tried to keep it entertaining, informative and, of course, unbiased.
Until next time!
- Koda
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